Entry 3....Entry 2s replacement

As some of you may be aware of, I had posted a second entry yesterday. I'd like to say that it was taken off of the internet just in case my goal of taking over the world had become a reality, and thus the entry would leave a trail of bread crumbs and lead to my demise.....but instead I decided that it simply did not personify this glorious work of art. If you did read it, like I did, you became uninterested after the half way point. Those of you who showed me support, and stated that the entry was actually good, you disappoint me. Even more, I am disappointed in myself for allowing this to happen. (Note: The part about Brian Liebtog was true blog material. Have you seen that guy? That part was OK)



Let it be known, I will never again write while not in the sacred writing zone, but more importantly, undermine the integrity of my writing to please others. I will shout from roof tops! Let it be heard! I write to please no body but myself (such as my personal erotic one man tales starring Jeff Goldblum)! Furthermore, I vow not to take any performance enhancing drugs no matter what the current culture of blogging tells me (take that Arod!)!—unless it’s really good like the Beatles stuff on LSD--- I will continue to elaborate on thoughts I have that probably don’t interest others, but hey, you have nothing better to do, I assume. You’re just on facebook, maybe stalking a few people, checking out some pictures from the weekend, maybe you just added a friend and you’re seeing if they have some cute friends that hopefully you can meet soon because you’ve been pretty bored lately, and that club scene just isn’t your thing. Its all dirty and sweaty, not to mention the bad music. And man!, are there a lot of ugly, disgusting people!. You don’t want to meet someone at a club! You dry hump for a few songs and realize hey, this person (guy/girl) is slutty, but everyone else is just as slutty, let’s try dancing with them too, because the more people I dance with, the more fun. But then you go home and you lie down in bed with your bottle of water, turn on the tv but there’s nothing on but weird movies from the ‘90s, and you think to yourself…”that muffin top was huge!”, “that girl couldn’t dance, but she sure loved rubbing her butt on me, which isn’t THAT attractive”, “that couple essentially had sex on the dance floor, but without any good stuff, poor guy”, “I’m glad I’m not a chick anymore”, “why did I spend $7 on Mexican pee?”, etc. You then analyze your life. What’s wrong with you?! “It was just a fun night out, the old “no strings” and all that shit”, you say to yourself. You’re not a clubber, you’re looking for a nice guy who likes to read and watch foreign films. Well guess what! He was at the club dry humping your sister! BAM! And your sister has an STD! WHAT?! Could this get any worse?! She wore your skirt, and then ate the last of your Eggo waffles the next morning! Oh yes I did! Then you go on facebook, again! You’re looking at pictures of people you don’t even recognize because you were trashed last night, and they had 72 strobe lights going off (Luckily, because those chicks were pretty nasty—did you see the girl wearing the leopard? Which one you ask? My point exactly!) Now you’re thinking, well, me and my friends just like dancing…that’s why we’re there. You’re not wrong….but you’re stupid, oh and WRONG! Theoretical question: When a bear rubs his ass against a tree, is it considered dancing?

Play these two videos at the same time. Mute the people's video and watch them go!



Look Familiar??



Sexy!!!


“This photo’s pretty good though” you think to yourself, maybe its your new DP. I would like to DP you with my fists! Get off facebook during class and pay attention! You can write all over every wall you want to at home! But you just wanna say you had such a good time seeing your friends (in a high pitched, ‘like we danced up a storm and whatever’ voice). You’re going to see them in like 3 hours!! Is it really necessary?! I hope you enjoy making plans to stand in a circle, entertaining yourselves by defending against guys who want to “dance” with you, until there’s one disgusting douche that you think “man, I really wanna rub my butt against his beer-stained crotch…I hope the rug matches his dreads. Is that even possible?! You haven’t seen this douche. But you have seen his close relatives; too rowdy, too cool, guy who licks his lips as he walks up to you, guy who makes you bend over while “dancing”, bathroom guy who makes you pay for him to hand you a fucking piece of paper towel while quietly saying “respec, respec, respec,”….over and over until you can’t stand it anymore and you consider bottling him while no ones looking, and that guy who gets on a platform or pole. Why must we have platforms or poles anyway? Oh yeah, so girls can “dance”. You’re not fooling anyone ‘wannabe sluts’. We know who you are, and you cannot dance. Also, your shirt should cover that belly. You also cannot pull off those heels, you don’t know how to walk in them.
Then you look at your invites, and you’re like “man, I do not want to go to a club ever again.” But its an event at a different club, so maybe there’s better music or people. But that place is playing Paper Planes and has everyone shooting in the air and taking everyone’s money too! It’s almost as bad as that Grammy performance. Luckily, the club doesn’t have a pregnant woman about to burst on the stage, it just has some douche DJ who doesn’t do anything but play cds that were made in 2002, when the songs were “classics”. At least he’s not flashing a G string to make some money, although I would appreciate that more than the female bartender upstairs at the bar in the corner.
Sorry, I got a little off topic. Basically, I’m not writing to please others. I’d like to share my thoughts with you, and I hope they are entertaining, or at least time consuming for my fellow procrastinators. I would feel ashamed that I already had to delete an entry, but that kind of brought me into this new entry, so all is good….in the hood.

ALSO I would like to thank the one person who told me that my last entry sucked. Thanks a lot asshole.

Note:
I realize the irony of making fun of the use of facebook in a post on facebook. Next time I hope to use a more uncommon poetic device, such as pathetic fallacy.

ALSO
I should have made fun of the guy who tries to get a girl to “wheel barrel” as a dance, but he’s my roommate and very sensitive.

Answer to theoretical question:
Yes. That bear dropped it like its hot before you had a tail feather to shake (but are terrible at it anyway).

But I am not....