Girls poop too!

“You know what you're problem is? You're putting the pussy on a pedestal.”

And I was…

Why was I putting this hypothetical vagina on sacred ground?

Are women not people just like you and me? (Well, not JUST LIKE you and me….but they are just regular people)

This is a lesson that I have learned, and wish I had earlier.

Girls DO fart.

Girls DO poo.

Girls do nasty things that I do and even though they may hide it better, they are not sexy robots sent from the future without digestive systems and the life goal of pleasuring men. (Half true)

The fact that a girl would fart always seemed taboo to me. I didn’t wanna see it. I didn’t wanna hear it. I most certainly wanted to smell it. I mean…. Well, there’s no editing allowed in this blog so, I digress. I just digressed a little in my pants….what was I saying? OH. I always wanted to just pretend that girls were these ominous beings that looked pretty, smelled great and frankly just remained the best they could be at all times. This can get you into trouble, you see. Can YOU compete with someone who can eat 2 tacos and not let out a little putt putt, its ok, oops my cd just skipped and everyone just heard you let one rip? Well I can’t, and I’m me…I had a little coffee, so I’m gonna digress again…



So what did this all entail? Well, the comparison between a guy and girl was just unfair. It was Roger Federer vs. anyone but Nadal. It was Bugs Bunny vs anyone but the Monstars. It was like the blind woman that represents law, but pushed over and taken advantage of (with a gavel!). Just unfair.

So how am I going to get a girl when she’s so much better than me. This isn’t a Seth Rogen movie. Plus that guys fucking hilarious. I’m good, but I am not superbad, though I can dance…



Take a look around though. There are very few good looking males. And a lot of couples. So why are all these pitiful men with beautiful, slightly below average in terms of intelligence women? The reason is simple and in the title of this god-forsaken blog entry. Girls—wait for it—I hope you’re not lactose intolerant because I just bought you some expensive milk chocolate—and that would be really bad because—Girls POO!

EUR-mother F*&^%(ng---No! Your Mother Fu—EKA
That’s secret twelve of life. Can you believe it?

So the next time you walk up to a girl who you think is too good looking for you, which is likely most if not all of them, just remind yourself: “She poos too, just like you. And that just rhymed so you know its true. She might also be as bad as you with toilet paper and get it all over her hands and then realize she’s out of soap, then hang out with you.”

………

Just hope she rejects you like she should.


Good luck and eat your beans.